I have had a very bad week, sorry it is Tosca the cat again.

First of all it was Halloween, I find children a nightmare at the best of times, so can you imagine how horrendous it was to be bombarded with lots of the little wretches banging on my door wearing strange things and making lots of noise demanding things.

If that wasn't disturbing enough for the next few nights I was I was disturbed by loud bangs and flashes culminating on Sunday with lots of little boys coming to my house and setting fire to things in my garden!

I really don't understand humans. Night after night I spend hours trying to find the best gifts to show my appreciation for a nice home and delicious food but my efforts are met with distaste and revulsion.

What is wrong with a lovely surprise mouse placed lovingly in slippers or behind doors, or a sleeping mistress' pillow even?

They don't understand what I say when I am trying to talk to them.

Every time I try to strike up conversation they presume I am hungry when all I want is a little chat. Why do they spend the day either out at work, (whatever that is it sounds like an effort), or washing things or talking at strange machines or sitting looking at screens tapping?

Surely it is much better to sleep; leisurely moving from place to place; lying on clothes or warm magazines that are trying to be read or just sleeping in the garden on the sun-warmed earth. And why is it at the best time of the day when it is dark do they try to sleep?

Then they object vociferously when I playfully land on them as they doze.

When it comes to food they spend ages talking about it, preparing it and generally making a meal of it.

My tastes on the other hand are quite simple, albeit extravagant, as long as it's the very best money ( I've no idea what that is but 'they' seem to spend an inordinate amount of time talking about it) can buy.

Whilst on the subject of food let me meow a minor complaint -  I find it degrading to be offered scraps of chicken that they have rejected!

Also I do not like being brushed nor lugged around by little boys. Finally what is this obsession with clothes, most unnecessary!

In short, despite their kindness and consideration, humans are the most extraordinary creatures, not at all like we felines, but with time and training who knows?